Sometimes, from the moment we wake up in the morning we find ourselves asking: why bother? Answers we give ourselves might include: I do it for my family; for my friends; for my future; for the opportunities no one else will give me.
In the last few months, on more than one morning I have asked myself: why bother? And, I’ve struggled finding the answer. Things hadn’t been going to plan. I was in a situation where I felt crushed both mentally and physically. I’d lost weight. I’d started to feel continually tired. I was getting ill on a regular basis. Stress and depression was destroying my inner soul.
I was trapped in a world of “darkness” where food had no taste, fun activities did not excite me and relaxing felt like a frustrating waste of time. This dark cloud was also negatively affecting my relationships. Nothing was going in the right direction.
Was there a reason for this situation? Yes and no. There was no specific reason, more of a general feeling of despair that in spite of my hard work, commitment and energy there would always be someone who would drag me down, mislead me or be dishonest with me. I am a very emotional person with a pre-disposition to care about others more than myself. So when bad things happen I find it hard to handle.
Depression, that infamous dark cloud, does not go away in one day, a week or month. Hard work is required to fight it off. A combination of discipline, commitment and willpower is needed. It’s like climbing a seemingly never-ending hill. The incline begins, it gets steeper, the wind blows against your face, you trip over obstacles in your path – it would be easier to give up and turn around but you know that however tempting that might be, it’s crucial that you keep pushing on and staying strong. Not easy when you feel like you are on your own, even if you know that there are people around you who love and care about you.
I found it helpful to start thinking about what I want from my life. Nowadays we are told what we should want from the media; to be rich, to be young and to be healthy. In reality, few of us will be fortunate enough to be rich; we can’t escape illness; and all of us will grow old (unless someone discovers the youth elixir). So what is it then that makes us happy? For me, the answer was to be loved and appreciated. There are different answers for everyone but going through this thought process helped give me the kick I needed, made the hill I was climbing less steep… for now.